I don't know about you, but this time in isolation has given me a lot of time (even feels like too much time) with myself and with God. Today I asked God to search my heart. I pray those words often, as you might know from reading my previous posts. But I don't always (fully) mean it. I want God to reveal stuff that I am okay with working on, the stuff that I feel like I can handle. I deflect anything that feels too big or anything that's uncomfortable. You may relate to what I'm saying (or you may not), but there's a problem with it: it's all about how I feel.
Obedience is not about how I feel. Turning away from sin is not about how I feel. Praying continually is not about how I feel. Jesus did not die and rise from the grave so that I could live a selfish life. "[He came] that [I] may have life, and that [I] may have it more abundantly" (John 10:10b). He came so that I could live for Him, so that I could love like Him. I never considered myself selfish until very recently. I love helping others; I often sacrifice my time to help; I am a classroom teacher; I give to others; I even have a tendency to put those I love before I put myself. But God revealed to me that my selfishness is putting my feelings before I put Him.
"How often do you let your feelings dictate your actions instead of letting My voice and My Word lead you?" That was the question I heard in my heart. I got defensive. There's nothing wrong with my feelings. God, you created me to have feelings. Even Jesus had feelings. Yes, Jesus had feelings, but He didn't act on them. He did what God asked, even though he didn't want to, even though He didn't feel like it. When Jesus went to the garden to pray, he was "sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to [Peter, James, and John], 'My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death.'" This is how Jesus was feeling. He asked God to "let [the] cup pass from [Him]" three times. But He also prayed, "not as I will, but as You will" three times. As terrible as He felt, He knew that it wasn't about Him. It was about God's will for me, God's will for you, God's will for the lives of all those who would be saved when Jesus died on that cross and rose again. [Matthew 26:37-44]
So who am I to choose how I feel over what God says? I have this gift of life from Him. His Son's blood on the cross makes me white as snow. So how can I be so selfish? The fact is that I can't. Well I mean I can, but today I'm saying that I won't. I am choosing to walk by faith and not by my feelings. I hope you choose to do the same.
As an important side note, it's not just the "bad" feelings (anger, grief, etc) that we shouldn't act on. Sometimes we choose to do things because they cause us to feel good. The key is to always ask "am I doing this because God said so or because of what I'm feeling?"
Remember y'all that you are GRACED and that God loves you so much.
April 22, 2020 (Happy Earth Day!)